so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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