So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
