I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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