so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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