You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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