Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
