Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
