I'm so fucking centered right now
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
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He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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