There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
