Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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