normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
