Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
