just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
