I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
