Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
