I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
