'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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