GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
