I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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