All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
