what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
