i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
