i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
