im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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