Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a squirter
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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