People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
