how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
