I can't watch pbs sober anymore
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
