Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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