My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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