nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
