You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
