I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
What did we do last night that was yellow?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
