After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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