as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
PANTIES FOUND
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
