they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
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No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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