your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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