So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
