my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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