Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
