We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
