Me too!
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
