I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
