i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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