haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
