and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
