Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Houston, we have a blender
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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