I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
