Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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