we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I have fence marks all over my body
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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