let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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