Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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