while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
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Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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