I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize