i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
