Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
