2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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