If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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