Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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