you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
