I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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