so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
