Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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