Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
