i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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