this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Randomize
