thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
