We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
