An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
time to smoke my breakfast
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
