Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
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