just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
