It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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