Quick, to the slutcave!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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