i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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